Sometimes I wonder….

…what a typical law abiding American citizen wants with an Assault rifle. Something like this:


The Bushmaster M4 can be bought perfectly legal from online stores, shops and gun fairs and than have it stored in your household. I presume you want to keep it under the bed, just in case you are being attacked by the mercenaries of the liberal tyrant running your country, intent of removing the freedoms that those (obviously highly prescient) constitutional forefathers have granted you. Whether the forefathers were mindful of the Bushmaster M4 assault rifle is debatable, but I have always wondered why you wanted to have a weapon at home that can discharge 900 rounds per minute. So if you’re a moderately good shot and there are a few hundred federal agents standing in your living room, ready to take your liberties away, you can dispense them in less time it takes to recite the allegiance to the flag.

On the other hand, if you want to protect your family from a burglar, wouldn’t a baseball bat and a mobile phone not be more appropriate? The bat comes pre-loaded, doesn’t kill the other members of your family and the dog with stray bullets and doesn’t make such a mess. The same goes of course for hunting: if you really want to eat that dear that you have been stalking, riddling it with 300 dum dum shots will not make for a good piece of venison at night. My friend Steve hunts wild boar in New Zealand, and he normally needs one shot and a knife to feed the family for a week.

So, somehow the whole ‘I need my assault rifle for the defense of my rights’ really only applies to paranoid nutters with a phallic deficiency complex who have authority issues.

Quod erat demonstrandum.

Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster…

please, oh please let Sarah Palin run for presidency, so we can have Bachmann, Perry and the Palster herself slugging it out on prime time tv.

Best TV ever!

Thank you, your noodly appendage.

Oh Americans, how lucky you are.

And so it has started again. The best show on earth has started to rumble into gear again, swallowing thousands of journalists, creating millions of pages of print, thousands of hours of TV and keeping the nuttiest bloggers on earth in business (and, of course, giving Rupert Murdoch the chance to poison another 59 million minds by ramping up Fox News coverage and spreading his “neutral and unbiased” opininions over 5 continents). Yes, it’s the American Presidential elections, and this year could be an especially brillant one. If we’re really, really lucky, some of the nuttiest right-wingers ever could turf it out among themselves, turning the whole process of the Republican primaries into one giant freak show that is likely to be more entertaining than anything that Aaron Sorkin has ever dreamed of writing.

The prospect of Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann slugging it out on a stage while Mitt Romney looks on grinning is just too exciting to contemplate, and I envy the nation that has the pleasure of witnessing this thoroughly entertaining process every 4 years. Here in the UK the best we can hope for is one aspiring Labour/Conservative/Liberal candidate calling the other one ‘spent’.

So I raise my glass to you, the happy citizens of the U.S. and especially to Sarah, Michelle and Newt and with baited breath shout

“Bring it on!”