Italy-New Zealand

Kia Ora,

we’re a bit late for the game of the All-Whites against those eleven men who easily fall over and cry (also known as the current World Champion) but at present (37 minutes) it’s a sensational 1:1 and the Italians either fall over and cry without any discernible contact or shoot on goal, while the Kiwis defend (slightly sheepishly) like lions

38:30 de Rossi falls over in a Shakespearan fashion. Why? Freekick fails to connect

Marcello Lippi looks like a dapper Michael Parkinson in his red track suit. Very stylish.

45:00 Half time. The Italians look like 11 very camp men trying to ram the All-Whites defenses but falling over repeatedly in the process. There is a very close resemblance to this.

65:00 There continues to be general shooting on one goal. Italians still fall over far too easlily

70:00 Great save by Paston. No Italians were hurt during this save.

82:05 BRILLANT SHOT by Wood on Italian goal. just a little wide.

86:00 Nelson gets a yellow card for being injured. Calls for a some psychoanalysis for the referee get louder.

94.23 It’s over!! New Zealand gain another point.

It’s box of fluffy ducks time!!

New Zealand – Slovakia

Welcome from Fordiebianco HQ, were weare all gathered to watch big one, the one we all have been waiting for: New Zealand against the Czech, er, sorry, the other ones with the past dabbling in racism, Slovakia.

The singing was very impressive by the Kiwis, and I almost didn’t recognise the strange blown up version of their national anthem.

So here we go:

4:08 nice chance after a freekick. Tests the Slovak goalie. Good on them.

6:20 even though the stadium seems to be less than half full, the bloody Vuvuzelas are blathering on.

08:59: nice delivery behind the Slovakia defense. Corner

10:49 Am I dreaming or are the kiwis actually dominating the game?

13:13 oops, toast is burning

14:26 Mark Paston so far making a decent job in the Kiwi goal.

15:29 ditto

17:00 According to Wikipedia, Paston is only first choice goalie becuase of his predecessor’s ‘improper conduct’

20:00 I think Tesco’s decision to stock German peppered Salami was an enlightened one.

22:00 The Mexican wave has apparently started 7 minutes earlier than during the Algeria/Slovakia game.

24:00 Insipid midfield kicking

27:00 According to Wikipedia, Ricki Herbert’s win ration for the teams he’s coached outside the national team is 34.91%

28:00: good shot on the Kiwi goal by the Slovaks.

30:00 Alex Ferguson’s win rate is 57.51%

32:01 good shot on goal by All Whites

33:00 blatant defending error by Paston. Kiwis lucky to get out of that one.

35:00 more shooting in direction of Kiwi goal.

37:00 Former mayor/principal’s wife accused of having sex with his pupils

37:30 Nice shot by Fallon on outer net of Slovaks. Well done.

41:00 Yellow card against New Zealand. Beautiful save by Paston after powerful mid range shot my Hamsik.

46:00 Half Time: Well done New Zealand. Even Alan Hansen is happy with them

48:00 “More urgency” from the Slovakians. Didn’t they go to the loo in half time?

49:00 0:1 ! Goal for the Slovaks. Bummer.

59:00 Slovakia has woken up. It’s all on one goal now.

64:00 another chance for Sklovakia, but way over the box

70:24 Slovaks falling all over the place. They should play against the All Blacks for a change.

72:00 Chris Killan replaced by Wood. No, not that Wood.

77:00 Christie comes in for the Kiwis. In Oamaru a scaffolding comes down

86:00 nothing much happens.

87:40 almost 1:1. bummer

92:00 Goal!!! kiwis equalise!!! Winston Reid for OBE!!!

Nice one Kiwis. And now please destroy the bloody Italians

Congrats, All Whites.

Rubbish game and Bahrain deserved to win, but on the other hand, if you cannae convert a penalty you have a significant problem (memo to the Bahraini team: it is not helpful to go up to the penalty taker seconds before the shoot and whisper something in his ear).

So, well done Kiwis. You have a great goalie, but the rest of you still needs a bit of work.