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Author Archives: Fordiebianco
Sometimes I wonder….
…what a typical law abiding American citizen wants with an Assault rifle. Something like this:
The Bushmaster M4 can be bought perfectly legal from online stores, shops and gun fairs and than have it stored in your household. I presume you want to keep it under the bed, just in case you are being attacked by the mercenaries of the liberal tyrant running your country, intent of removing the freedoms that those (obviously highly prescient) constitutional forefathers have granted you. Whether the forefathers were mindful of the Bushmaster M4 assault rifle is debatable, but I have always wondered why you wanted to have a weapon at home that can discharge 900 rounds per minute. So if you’re a moderately good shot and there are a few hundred federal agents standing in your living room, ready to take your liberties away, you can dispense them in less time it takes to recite the allegiance to the flag.
On the other hand, if you want to protect your family from a burglar, wouldn’t a baseball bat and a mobile phone not be more appropriate? The bat comes pre-loaded, doesn’t kill the other members of your family and the dog with stray bullets and doesn’t make such a mess. The same goes of course for hunting: if you really want to eat that dear that you have been stalking, riddling it with 300 dum dum shots will not make for a good piece of venison at night. My friend Steve hunts wild boar in New Zealand, and he normally needs one shot and a knife to feed the family for a week.
So, somehow the whole ‘I need my assault rifle for the defense of my rights’ really only applies to paranoid nutters with a phallic deficiency complex who have authority issues.
Quod erat demonstrandum.
Hideaway!
Oh look, a little parcel from Japan. From somebody called Joshi. What might it be?
Mmh. Might it be…?
Indeed, it looks like….
Yes indeed! It’s Matt Bianco’s new album, the mysteriously titled Hideaway
and used as beer mats.
So, what is it like?
It’s actually quite good. It’s absofeckinlutely enjoyable brilliant (editing by best girlfriend ever). After popping it into the CD-player for the first time you might ask yourself what the big fuss is all about and struggle to keep the songs apart, but after the third listen you start humming and after one day you can’t get the bloody songs out of your brain. In my case, ‘Kiss the Bride’ and ‘Medusa’ are currently fighting a pitched battle for supremacy somewhere in my right cortex, with ‘Medusa’ slowly winning. As usual, the quality of the soloists is amazing (Tony Fisher’s flugel horn solo especially noteworthy), the songwriting is solid, and the entertainment value is as usual unsurpassed. ‘Kiss the Bride’, a cover of Nick the Nightfly‘s ode to marriage is beautifully arranged with Mark Reilly almost displaying veritable crooner credentials. There is only one slight ‘WTF’ moment when during ‘Falling’ synth chords more reminiscent of a Nolan Sisters gig in Blackpool in the early eighties zap through the Klipschs, but it’s all in good humour, and you quickly get used to it.
BTW, just in case you don’t know who the Nolan Sisters are:
So, should you buy it?
Of course.
It’s MB’s twelfth album, 45 minutes of music by two great songwriters, and as usual it will make you whistle, sing, dance and from time to time slap your forehead.
Product naming gone scatological
Last weekend the best girlfriend ever leisurely leafed through one of her interior design magazines, when her lovely brown eyes fell on this:
Now, I don’t know whether you’re aware of the Germans’ favourite word, but it’s what they called this lamp: ‘Scheisse’. In French ‘merde’, in English ‘shit’, this is not something I would call my lamp. It’s not that ugly, and it really does not deserves this scatological description. Our initial thought was that a German copywriter at this particular magazine had a bit of grudge, but it turns out that ‘Scheisse’ is its proper name. Proudly displayed on its home page.
The only question remains: Should someone tell them?
Wouldn’t you already know that it’s a dark, handsome stranger?
Dark, handsome…
“The College was founded 125 years ago by a group of eminent scholars and scientists. Its purpose was to facilitate formal investigation into the psychic and mediumistic phenomena that were such a topic of debate in the Victoria era.”
They now offer courses in Meditation, Energy Work (I assume that has nothing to do with electricians), Divination, Psychic Development, Trance and Healing. They also advertised for the position of Principal in yesterday’s Guardian. Now, I am not sure how evidence based their methods are and how grounded in physics their offerings are, but for instance the course “Mediumship” offers the aspiring medium:
“Suitable for mediums with some experience of giving readings or doing platform to fine tune your skills and improve the quality and detail of messages and evidence. This benefits private sittings, platform work and improving clarity when making personal life choices. You will be encouraged to push furt your unique ability with plenty support, motivation and mentoring.”
Now, I have never been to one of those shindigs, but isn’t the whole purpose of being a medium (and, this being the College of Psychic studies they should have loads of advanced models) that you already know what’s going to happen in the future and who will cross your path? This is highly disappointing and I am certainly reviewing my intent to enroll and become a remote viewer, healer, crystal teacher and Tarot consultant.
I can nevertheless see in the very short term future the arrival of a small package, containing the new Matt Bianco album.
Messaged from the Outhouse 