Masterchef: the prime minister’s spouse decision

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With the United Kingdom again being in Masterchef and general election fever, I thought it might be a good idea to combine the two. Why not let John Torode and Gregg Wallace (T/W) decide who will be the next prime minister on the merits of the presenting skills of the prime ministerial spouses? At least we wouldn’t get a hung parliament

It could go like this:

T/W: Why do you want to be prime minister’s spouse, Samantha?

Samantha Cameron: I am really passionate about this, Gregg. I’ve never been competitive in my life, but this competition really has fired me up.

T/W: What do you want us to know about your future career choice, Sarah?

Sarah Brown: I have never ever wanted anything like this in my life, John! Becoming a prime minister’s spouse is what I wanted to do since meeting my husband.

—

Gregg: ‘John, we are in the presence of two really strong contenders, but who will have the skill and the determination to deliver one perfect  husband?’

—

Female voice from the off: “Will Samantha be able to convince the judges with her composition off a pasty, mediocre chinwag with a shadow cabinet of neoliberal liabilities?”

T/W: ‘Samantha, while the presentation looks lovely, I am getting no taste whatsoever. This is as bland as a piece of white toast from Aldi. Disappointing.’

—

Female voice from the off: ‘Sarah is hoping that her mixture of Scottish dourness, vulcanic temper (tempura. ha!), grandiose ideas about saving the world with a cabinet full of tired, grey men and women with a competency deficit will win the judges hearts.”

T/W: ‘Sarah, I am getting the kick from the anger, the sharpness of the intellect, the bitterness of the character, but the presentation lacks completely in finesse. This looks like a mess.”

–

John: ‘Gregg, this is a disaster. None of the contenders has delivered anything remotely appetising. We might have to call Lembit Opik and the Cheeky Girls to save the series.

Bibi Without Books. Baffling!

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Bibi van der Zee writes books and in The Guardian about the environment and food. She has written articles supporting herbalism and charting the best of Patrick Swayze (no, really).

In today’s Guardian, she describes her successful attempt to go without books for a week. Riveting stuff, I know, but she starts of like this:

Going to the loo without a book! It is a profound shock. Instead of reading, I stare at the walls and notice that there are still two empty nails on which I meant – a year ago – to hang pictures. Also, I notice the dust on the floor and the cobwebs on the ceiling. I sense that I will be doing a lot more housework than usual this week.

In situations like these, I recommend a good laxative.

Though maybe not a herbal one.

On their feet for 6 hours?

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Sometimes I think Masterchef UK reflects its society’s attitude to hard work:

‘..the contestants have now been on their feet for the last 6 hours, but there is no let up”

Well, isn’t that what  you would expect from a normal job? Anybody who invests a decent amount of work into their career would obviously scoff at this statement.

Grrrr…

Vodcasting done badly.

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I have been a member of the Planetary Society for over 5 years, mainly to help financing their excellent weekly podcast. This week they tried their hand on live streaming/video casting. Boy, did that go wrong. Can anybody tell me why I want to see a thin guy and an broader guy sitting at a desk for about an hour, answering questions from the web? Neither Bill Nye (who is not Bill Nighy and really should cease his extremely annoying weekly slot on Planetary Radio) nor Lou Friedman convinced me that I rather hear them on Mat Kaplan’s weekly show on my Ipod. To add insult to injury, there was no sign of the adult geek’s heroine, Emily Lakdawala. Planetary Society, if you want to convince the unwashed masses to WATCH, don’t feature Bill and Lou. That’s what radio and Podcasts are for. Instead, show loads of pics from probes and maybe the odd shot of Spirit and Oppi.

Thank You.