Bill Bailey: Mumbler in Chief

I adore Bill Bailey. Who doesn’t? How can you not love a multi instrumental polymath with a anarchic streak and the politic leanings of an European leftie who refuses to swear on stage and still makes you laugh harder than any of the other ‘comedians’ out there. I still insist that Part Troll is the best comedy DVD ever released and by now I think I know it by heart. Last month I went to the Royal Albert Hall to see the man do his thing with Anne Dudley and the BBC Concert Orchestra and last weekend me and the best girlfriend ever watched the newest release of the master, ‘Tinselworm’.

Both in the Royal Albert Hall and on Tinselworm Bill Bailey’s greatest fallacy comes to light: the Master of Comedy is a terrible mumbler! While live in the Royal Albert Hall the best girlfriend and I blamed the crap sound, in Tinselworm it finally became apparent that the man is slurring his gags, especially when they come at the end of an elaborately set up routine: the last, decisive part of the sentence becomes a meaningless ‘snmvrbbsssschnffff’. One routine we had to listen to 5 times before we finally understood the whole thing, and it turned out to be the most brillant aside in the whole show.

It must be the side-effect of repeating your gags again and again that you finally throw them away as unidentifiable asides. Shame, but if you’re motivated enough to listen to the man again and again, the best gags are hidden under layers of mumbling.

Good Bye, Helen. It was great to live in your country.

So today New Zealand’s Labour government was voted off. Replaced  by a clone of David Cameron and a gaggle of unpleasant right wingers that make me pine for Michael Howard, the nine years of enlightenment that this small country has enjoyed under the outgoing administration will probably replaced by an orgy of privatisation, relaxation of the already far too liberal environmental policies and the return of stone age racial policies. In a time where America and Australia are electing progressives, New Zealand takes a step back and hands the keys to the country back to John Keys and his moronic neocons.

Janet Fitzsimons, the co-leader of the Green Party of Aotearoa, probably found the most appropriate words to summarise this election:

“I wonder in 20 years time whether there’ll be people who will look back to 2008 and say “I am really glad I voted for tax cuts rather for the future of our children”

I lived in a New Zealand that started to evolve into a proper western democracy (that saw the role of the state as more important than just to keep the streets repaired and the sewage working) thanks to Helen and her flock of ‘front-bums’ (quote John Tamihere) but is now quite likely to be run again by a bunch of farmers, lawyers and middle class businessmen who have tax relief and profit maximisation as the only important goal on their mind.

It’s going to be a very different country. With more cows. And streets to transport them on.

Certainly not a nicer one.

P.S. ..and the prize for biggest electoral bloodymindedness goes to the Waitaki electorate. They actually re-elected  Jacqui Dean.

Welcome back to the World, United States of America

While the world is celebrating, there are still some die hard conservative air heads in the U.S. that didn’t get the memo: ‘Oiltrader’ in the comment section of the New York Post writes:

“My family and friends will never accept this criminal and terrorist lover as our President….. The entire world will just laugh at him and more importantly all of us for being so stupid as to elect a man like this….. Lets hope that the rest of the non-idiots in this country share our thoughts and intentions and show everyone everywhere that this man will never have a thing to say as President, but will only be a token figurehead…. NOTHING MORE!!!!!!”

Well, he’s right in one aspect: the world IS laughing, and it’s because we’re relieved and overjoyed. 8 years of disastrous foreign policies, the stoking of the hellfires of the Christian fringe and hapless fiscal policies are now over.

The world is once again ready to embrace a responsible, enlightened and proudly liberal United States, happy to be inspired by its stupendous creativity, multicultural society and technical brillance.

Welcome back, Americans, the world applauds you.

Well done.

“My Wife made me Canvas for Obama”

Very nice little vignette of a conservative banker (who voted for Bush three times) who was made to go from door to door by his wife and spread the word for Obama. A funny and moving article, culminating in the paragraph:

“I’ve learned that this election is about the heart of America. It’s about the young people who are losing hope and the old people who have been forgotten. It’s about those who have worked all their lives and never fully realized the promise of America, but see that promise for their grandchildren in Barack Obama. The poor see a chance, when they often have few. I saw hope in the eyes and faces in those doorways”

It’s in the online offering of the now sadly out of print Christian Science Monitor. Have a peek, it’s worth it.

White, poor, underqualified and unemployed? Trevor Phillips wants to help.

The head of Britain’s equality and human rights commission, the esteemed Trevor Phillips, has identified a new target group that needs protecting: the white underclass. He is being quoted in today’s Guardian with the following:

“We need to look out for the wife or partner with a young child, whose husband may have lost his job or who fears that he will, or who finds that the bills just don’t add up unless he goes back to work.

“When she applies for work, is rejected for job after job in a slack labour market, yet sees a clever young Latvian or Lithuanian with two degrees and three languages doing the job she’d like to do, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out how she’ll feel.”

The article continues:

Similarly, while the Bangladeshi girls who made it to university did brilliantly, there was an underclass of teenage white girls who would not make it into higher education after the birth of their first child, he told the CBI conference.

This can be explained with one word: Ambition. To this day the immigrant community in the UK has a strong impetus of attempting a better life for themselves and their children. If this is only achieved by hard work, discipline and long hours so be it. What counts is that the next generation will be better educated and that the hard work will result in a better quality of life and standing within society. This is something that large swathes of the ‘aboriginal’ British inhabitants have abandoned. There are now large geographical pockets in the UK (Dewsbury, West Yorkshire is used by the press as an example of these places without hope) where a child can pretty much forget of ever achieving a life of regular employment, planned pregnancy and an above average life expectancy. In their 2005 study “Intergenerational Mobility in Europe and North America” [1] Jo Blanden, Paul Gregg and Stephen Machin came to the conclusion that Britain and the UK were at the bottom of the table of the developed nations when it comes to social mobility. One of their findings was

“Intergenerational mobility fell markedly over time in Britain, with there being less mobility for a cohort of people born in 1970 compared to a cohort born in 1958.”

It is not enough to throw billions of pounds at secondary schools to improve them, as

“The expansion of higher education since the late 1980s has so far disproportionately benefited those from more affluent families.”

This means that the role of the state is limited at school level. It has no way of incentivising parents to help them securing their children’s future. A drastic (but successful) option would of course be the Brasilian model, in which benefits are only paid out if children have good school attendance and regular attend their GPs for health checks, but an incentive like that would make the Tories yell ‘Nannystate!’ (as the Tories of course never had any interest in the lower echelons of society apart from keeping them healthy enough to work in a factory. How can Social Mobility be interesting for a party that still cherishes Thatcher’s mantra “there’s no such thing as society”).

So, is Britain looking at a future where the middle class is made up of third generation immigrants? There are areas in London where this has already happened. Does that scare me? Not particularly. The only thing I dread is when millions of disenfranchised Englishmen (and Women) blame the immigrants for their ambitions and vote for the BNP.

So, what to do? Well, throwing money at the problem doesn’t seem to be an answer. Social cohesion can’t be achieved with government money. I remember a Sociologist in New Zealand having blue sky ideas about reducing teenage pregnancy with mandatory contraception, but that would take social engineering probably a bit too far. Religion? Don’t think so: Evangelical Teenagers seem to have more pregnancies as their enlightened contemporaries (as if we didn’t know).

So maybe it IS time for the Brazilian model: according to the Guardian Weekly it consists of

“The bolsa, which was launched in 2003 and is officially known as the “conditional cash transfer”, is straightforward. The state pays a monthly grant to “poor” or “very poor” families on the condition that their children attend school and have up-to-date vaccination records. The size of the subsidy depends on a family’s income and the number of children. “

Throw in an X-Box and one game for each passed GSCE, and Robert is your dad’s brother.

[1]Jo Blanden, Paul Gregg and Stephen Machin: Intergenerational Mobility in Europe and North America; April 2005; http://www.lse.ac.uk/collections/pressAndInformationOffice/newsAndEvents/archives/2005/LSE_SuttonTrust_report.htm