Author Archives: Fordiebianco

Project Kaisei

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Today the environmentally concerned geek in me would like you, my not so green friends, introduce you to one of the most awe-inspiring and seriously freaky things that I have been for a long time. Have you ever wondered were all the plastic ends that is not incinerated or recycled (and that’s only a fraction of worldwide plastic) when you’ve just bought your fourth bottle of designer water?

Say hi to the ‘plastic vortex,’ a patch in the North Pacific Subtropical Convergence Zone, approximately as big as Alaska that consists of broken up plastic, believed to be just one of many of these. That’s right, that water bottle that you threw away when you were at that sea side resort di not just ‘dissolve’ but likely made it to this enormous trash patch which is killing sea life in the millions and is quite likely at this moment terminating the life of a cute little tortoise like the one on the left.

We know very little about this monstrous garbage patch. Neither its size, consistency, micro fauna or flora. But now 2 vessels have started a journey to map, sample and study this monstrous entitity and come up with solutions how to get rid of it. Project Kaisei, co-sponsored by some wealthy Califonian geeks, thinktanks, plastic lobbyists (with a conscience and an eye for good pr) and run with the Scripps Oceanographic institute for that extra bit of credibility, this is a well funded and well staffed project that will give us some more infomation about this manmade blight of the Pacific and maybe even come up with an idea how to get rid of it. The two ships have different blogs: for the Scripps run vessel check out this link, while the more showy tall boat Kaisei can be checked out here. Well worth a read and ultra contemporary.

institute,

Weird Science

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“Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet, detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria?”

When Weird Science was released in 1985, I was relieved that somebody finally came forward to make a film for people like me: Hormone fuelled geeks with a sense of humour. So I was not the only boy in the world with a huge stack of Penthouse, Scientific American and a Sinclair ZX Spectrum!

Gosh, who would have thought.

John Hughes gave with his first four films (Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) a whole worldwide generation of disenfranchised, uglyish non-jocks the reassuring feeling that they were not singular on this world and that the daily struggle against the beautiful bullies at school was a fight not fought alone.

This is what Weird Science is about: Recognition and the desire to be wanted.

Somewhere in the US, in some easily exchangeable suburb, Garry (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) are two average boys in a world where being average is just not good enough. Sitting one evening in Wyatt’s room, they fantasize about creating the perfect simulation of a woman with Wyatt’s computer (which looks remarkably like an MSX): She should be brainy and sexy: the perfect woman for two geeks who never had the chance to get to know the opposite sex without getting into serious trouble. So they hack into the local mainframe, scan in a couple of pictures and start simulating away. To add a bit of mysticism, they attach a Barbie doll to the serial port and hum a bit:

Wyatt: Garry, by the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?

Garry: Ceremonial.

And yes, the perfect woman (aka Kelly LeBrock) appears in Garry’s closet: she’s beautiful, she’s scantily clothed and she can make every of their wishes come true. She gives them sportscars and cool clothes, makes a fool of their archenemy (Robert Downey Jr) and teaches Wyatt’s sadistic big brother (a hilarious Bill Paxton) a lesson (by letting it snow in his bedroom and turning him into a slimy, ball-less monster). By displaying some motherly insight, she even gives them the chance to fall in love and fight for their girls (against a horde of mutant bikers right out of Mad Max) during their first own party.

” You know, I can’t believe this, Wyatt. I’m so disappointed in us. I mean, all our lives we’ve been saying how great it would be if we went to parties, right? And now it’s our party and we’re in the john. We’re in the john! ”

Everybody seems happy.

Then she vanishes…

I can not recommend this movie more highly: This (with Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) is Hughes’ masterpiece and should be seen as his lasting legacy to the first generation that grew up with immense media pressure to be perfect in any way.

A very funny, and very human film.

Good bye John Hughes. And thanks for all the dreams.

The joys of the Wii

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My scales recently disclosed a rather unacceptable level of flab that for some reason or other had materialised around my waist. While there was still plenty of muscle around to be moderately proud of, the ring around my waist had expanded to dangerous proportions and it was time (again) to do something about it.

As usual, there are numerous alternatives to get rid of this rather annoying (and ultimately life threatening) problem. All of them take a rather annoying long time.

  • Eat Less
  • Eat different
  • Go to the gym
  • Jog
  • Swim
  • Do everything at once.

In the end I decided to take a geek approach to this and eschew human contact with other sweaty, overweight (or even worse: the no-sweaty, lean) humans and rather do some exercises at home. While cheaper and less humiliating, this is also rather boring, even with some Hi NRG music pumping out of the IBlik while one is panting.  Seduced by the constant hype around it, I opted for a Wii and a Wii board, even though there was already a Playstation 3 standing accusingly behind the TV, gathering dust (the world’s only supercomputer only used for DVD viewing), but the idea of video game induced fitness was too good to be ignored.

After switching the little white thingie on and adjusting the bluetooth networked board, it was time for the first weigh in. Immediately my little avatar turned into a fat little creature, and the talking Wii board (don’t ask) was getting quite accusatory.

Nevertheless, after a week of stepping, skiing, hula hooping, yogaing and shadow boxing I have to say this is probably the most fun a man can have at 6 am in the morning. With Radio 4 accompanying the daily 40 minutes of light exercise this is a rather nice way to get up and the daily ‘body test’ gives added impetus to refuse that extra chocalate bar in the afternoon.

If I could now only beat the best girlfriend ever in the ski slalom..

Mezzoforte Live in Reykjavik

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I have always had a soft spot for that most impossible of outfits, a fusion/jazz-funk quartet from Reykjavik called Mezzoforte. Since their first (and pretty much only) hit ‘Garden Party’ back in 1980 they have been hovering in this strange twilight zone between obscurity and the ‘oh, I think I have heard of them’ remarks. This of course proves my friend C’s point that I have a penchant for what he calls ‘elevator music’. Mezzoforte made some cracking albums in the eighties, full of impressive bass slapping, ‘oooo deee aaahing’ background vocals by barely post pubescent men from Iceland and some great melodies. Then there was a lull and they returned with some more albums that still had some bass slapping but less catchy melodies and more ‘adult’ jazzy bits (with other words, it wasn’t as good anymore). Because they’ve been around for a good thirty years now, they produced a 2 – cd live album (Live In Reykjavik) with the ‘deluxe’ version sporting an extra DVD, catching it all on video.

So far so dandy. Of course I had to have it, so when triple pack of digital goodness arrived I whacked the first CD into the player and was waiting for some good old sweaty musicianship with plenty of crowd noises and ‘Good evening Luton, er, Reykjavik’ shouts. Instead I heard what I thought was the studio versions. Checked the CD: nope, says ‘live’.  Popped the DVD in: yes, there they were, a bunch of middle aged men, nodding their heads, swaying gently, but not much else, surrounded by a couple of dozen appreciative listeners. But it still sounded like the studio versions of their songs, with the slight minute aberration from the original. Just not quite as good.

Bottomline: If you fancy Mezzoforte, buy the remastered versions of ‘Surprise Surprise’ and ‘Observations’. Stay clear of this rather luke warm collection that’s neither offering a live atmosphere nor the energy of the originals.

Swineflu is taking over. Especially in the press.

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The place were I earn my money is broadly speaking in the healthcare business: folks call us or walk through the door, get some advice or some medication and leave the premises (hopefully) soon feeling better. Over the last 3 weeks the amount of people me and my workmates have been seeing and given advice over the phone has broadly quadrupled. The amount of fear and misinformation that is out there in the community is incredible. The relentless pounding of sensationalist headlines by the English red tops into the psyche of its readers has turned this normally relaxed and good natured country into a collection of existentially frightened humans fearing for their lives. That it compares favourably to other influenza epidemics doesn’t seem to be registered. The amount of misinformation doesn’t help. Daily changing guidance from a plethora of different agencies and quangos only adds to the confusion.

Stay calm. If you have flu like symptoms, stay at home until you’re better. If you have long term health problems, call your GP or one of the numerous helplines. Have some paracetamol, they will help make you feel better. Don’t watch day time television: it’s very bad for your brain.

See, that wasn’t hard, was it?