The Forgotten Satellite

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Back in 1998, when men were still men, Paris Hilton not invented and small little furry aliens from Andromeda still small furry aliens from Andromeda, the man who would (almost) be president suggested the design of a satellite mission to the L1 Lagrangian point between Earth and Sun. There it would sit, always facing the sunlit side of the earth in a gravity neutral point (only needing the odd little course correction). Al Gore suggested that the probe’s images of earth should be streamed continuously onto the web, so humanity would have a unobstructable view of its own, fragile habitat. With Al being almost head of the federal government and pretty much the administration’s showcase geek, the suggestion was picked up by NASA and clad in a bit more scientific language.
Dubbed Triana (after the sailor who first spotted the New World on Christobal Columbus’s trip west) Dr. Francisco P.J. Valero from the Scripps Institution of Oceanography in La Jolla, CA was named principal investigator and the NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center was chosen to guide the little bird into space.
After some consultation its scientific use was beefed up a bit and it was built featuring a radiometer (Scripps-National Institute of Standards and Technology Advanced Radiometer (NISTAR)) and a 10-channel imaging spectroradiometer (Scripps-Earth Polychromatic Imaging Camera (EPIC)). Apart from making pretty pictures, it was designed to measure the earth’s reflectivity (or Albedo) and give our climatologists an idea about the world’s vegetation canopy structure, aerosol particle size distribution in the atmosphere, cloud structure and atmospheric measurements. By now renamed DSCOVR (Deep Space Climate Observatory {who actually comes up with those acronyms?}) it was tanked by the republicans in congress who called it “Goresat”.

Haha.

“This idea supposedly came from a dream. Well, I once dreamed I caught a 10-foot bass. But I didn’t call up the Fish and Wildlife service and ask them to spend $30 million to make sure it happened.”
Dick Armey,  then House Majority Leader

Even though endorsed in 2001 after a review process by a National Academy of Sciences panel, DSCOVR still sits in its box in Maryland. The French government offered to launch DSCOVR via the ESA for free, as did the Ukrainians. In 2006, NASA canceled the mission altogether mentioning something about “competing priorities”. In 2005, white house press secretary Scott McClellan stated “there is still a lot of uncertainty when it comes to the science of climate change”.

What a shame they didn’t do something to clarify things.

Then last year came Omnibus Appropriations Bill 1105, stating:

“The bill provides $9,000,000 for NASA to refurbish and ensure flight and operational readiness of DSCOVR earth science instruments.”

And now?

Nothing. I have no idea what Al Gore did to NASA, but I don’t think they like him much there. In the meantime, we should start printing T-shirts.

Camping for Beginners.

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Since I’ve been a little lad, I always wanted to spend some time in one of those cool VW Campervans from the sixties or seventies. For some unexplainable reason (although I blame Toxoplasmosis) this wish had lodged itself in the far corners of my hippocampus, just to be blurted out from time to time. So – inevitably – the best girlfriend ever gave me a lovely smelling envelope full of printouts for my last birthday that indicated that she had rented a classic VW campervan from the seventies over the Easter weekend. I was completely over the moon and couldn’t wait for Easter to arrive. Even though it looked like it could be one of the colder ones. So one day in April we manned out little Korean sprinter and headed down to Tavistock to take temporary ownership of Billy Jean, a lovely van from those extremely friendly and helpful guys at Classic Camper Van Hire. After one last stop in a civilisation we finally arrived on Good Friday to have a look at the beast:

Blue Billy turned out to be a very sturdy little thing which was a pleasure to drive, apart from tight bends, in hilly roads, narrow roads, on wet grass and in parking garages. Apart from those, he was fine. Due to the natural lack of power steering, my biceps have hypertrophied significantly over the last days. We nevertheless packed our bags into its surprisingly small cabin and headed for the North Devon coast.

Note: agreeable designer notes.

On the way to the caravan site we realised that we neither had a flashlight nor a reading light with us, but the General Store in Hartland and the lovely Campsite owners were able to help out with both items, so we arrived on our wet paddock that was to be our base camp for the next days feeling uniquely prepared. Stoke Barton Farm and Camp Site is what I would call functional with great views and positively lovely owners. Don’t expect any particular luxuries, but you didn’t book the Intercontinental in Sydney, did you? Anyway, once Billy came to a halt I tried to set up the awning, but due to the rather heavy rain and the storm outside, all I probably ended up in was in a Youtube video titled “Idiot trying to put up awning – LOL”, so I had to abandon this activity AND find the space to store the bloody enormous and wet thing in the van. Once we arranged everything, hooked up the 240 Volt connection and fired up the heater and the kettle, things looked more rosy. Apart from outside, where a bloody storm was raging and shaking all sorts of appendages of Billy, turning it into an allmighty cacophony. I already dreaded the first walk to the loo, which had to be meticulously planned: fold in tea table, put on extra jumper, hat, rain coat, mud caked shoes, find flashlight, step over awning and go.

Dinner was a frugal affair, as we weren’t able to cook without the awning, so bread, tomatoes, tea and salami had to do the trick. And a pack of HobNobs. Sleep was surprisingly decent if a bit cold, but at least the hat, the three jumpers and ski underwear kept us warm.

Next morning was gloriously wet, and that was just the condensation inside Billy. I dared to trek to the showerblock (that’s the first time I went to the showers wearing 4 layers of clothing) in the pouring rain, and felt colder afterwards. Cleaner though. To pass the time we listened to Radio 4 and read the Guardian (top marks to the Campsite owners to provide us with the paper) and then decided to spend the rest of the afternoon in the warm vestiges of the best bloody pub in the vicinity of a campsite, the ever so lovely Hart Inn (which has a chef worth waiting 3 hours for).

Preparation for the walk to the loo

After 48 hours we abandoned the experiment and relocated to a nice hotel for some warmth and a hot tub, but I am sure we will try again. Maybe not just quite in this weather. Full marks though for the lovely folks at Classic Campervan Hire who were the loveliest bunch of people you could meet.

great views, shame about the temperature

Revo, light and good company. What other entertainment do you need?

Stoke in North Devon. Bet you it's going to rain soon.

And so good night.

Recently overheard on the train

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On the way to a non-descript place in the vicinity of London, the lady in front of me entertained the whole carriage with her exceedingly loud mobile phone conversation. As this was obviously meant for public consumption, here some excerpts:

‘My agent tried to get me into *average roaming theatre company name here* for a touring production, and they shortlisted me right to the end, but I didn’t get it. Gutted.

….

I was supposed to play a cop in a film with a shootout in the end, but the director’s funding was pulled, so he will give me a call in summer.

….

I am using my mother’s car, so my poor mum is carless while I’m driving around with it.

….

My friend was gutted when after the fifth recall didn’t get into *brainless west end musical name here*  and now he’s doing ‘normal’ work now.

I don’t know, but somehow being an actor doesn’t sound much fun.