Camping for Beginners.

Since I’ve been a little lad, I always wanted to spend some time in one of those cool VW Campervans from the sixties or seventies. For some unexplainable reason (although I blame Toxoplasmosis) this wish had lodged itself in the far corners of my hippocampus, just to be blurted out from time to time. So – inevitably – the best girlfriend ever gave me a lovely smelling envelope full of printouts for my last birthday that indicated that she had rented a classic VW campervan from the seventies over the Easter weekend. I was completely over the moon and couldn’t wait for Easter to arrive. Even though it looked like it could be one of the colder ones. So one day in April we manned out little Korean sprinter and headed down to Tavistock to take temporary ownership of Billy Jean, a lovely van from those extremely friendly and helpful guys at Classic Camper Van Hire. After one last stop in a civilisation we finally arrived on Good Friday to have a look at the beast:

Blue Billy turned out to be a very sturdy little thing which was a pleasure to drive, apart from tight bends, in hilly roads, narrow roads, on wet grass and in parking garages. Apart from those, he was fine. Due to the natural lack of power steering, my biceps have hypertrophied significantly over the last days. We nevertheless packed our bags into its surprisingly small cabin and headed for the North Devon coast.

Note: agreeable designer notes.

On the way to the caravan site we realised that we neither had a flashlight nor a reading light with us, but the General Store in Hartland and the lovely Campsite owners were able to help out with both items, so we arrived on our wet paddock that was to be our base camp for the next days feeling uniquely prepared. Stoke Barton Farm and Camp Site is what I would call functional with great views and positively lovely owners. Don’t expect any particular luxuries, but you didn’t book the Intercontinental in Sydney, did you? Anyway, once Billy came to a halt I tried to set up the awning, but due to the rather heavy rain and the storm outside, all I probably ended up in was in a Youtube video titled “Idiot trying to put up awning – LOL”, so I had to abandon this activity AND find the space to store the bloody enormous and wet thing in the van. Once we arranged everything, hooked up the 240 Volt connection and fired up the heater and the kettle, things looked more rosy. Apart from outside, where a bloody storm was raging and shaking all sorts of appendages of Billy, turning it into an allmighty cacophony. I already dreaded the first walk to the loo, which had to be meticulously planned: fold in tea table, put on extra jumper, hat, rain coat, mud caked shoes, find flashlight, step over awning and go.

Dinner was a frugal affair, as we weren’t able to cook without the awning, so bread, tomatoes, tea and salami had to do the trick. And a pack of HobNobs. Sleep was surprisingly decent if a bit cold, but at least the hat, the three jumpers and ski underwear kept us warm.

Next morning was gloriously wet, and that was just the condensation inside Billy. I dared to trek to the showerblock (that’s the first time I went to the showers wearing 4 layers of clothing) in the pouring rain, and felt colder afterwards. Cleaner though. To pass the time we listened to Radio 4 and read the Guardian (top marks to the Campsite owners to provide us with the paper) and then decided to spend the rest of the afternoon in the warm vestiges of the best bloody pub in the vicinity of a campsite, the ever so lovely Hart Inn (which has a chef worth waiting 3 hours for).

Preparation for the walk to the loo

After 48 hours we abandoned the experiment and relocated to a nice hotel for some warmth and a hot tub, but I am sure we will try again. Maybe not just quite in this weather. Full marks though for the lovely folks at Classic Campervan Hire who were the loveliest bunch of people you could meet.

great views, shame about the temperature

Revo, light and good company. What other entertainment do you need?

Stoke in North Devon. Bet you it's going to rain soon.

And so good night.

Recently overheard on the train

On the way to a non-descript place in the vicinity of London, the lady in front of me entertained the whole carriage with her exceedingly loud mobile phone conversation. As this was obviously meant for public consumption, here some excerpts:

‘My agent tried to get me into *average roaming theatre company name here* for a touring production, and they shortlisted me right to the end, but I didn’t get it. Gutted.

….

I was supposed to play a cop in a film with a shootout in the end, but the director’s funding was pulled, so he will give me a call in summer.

….

I am using my mother’s car, so my poor mum is carless while I’m driving around with it.

….

My friend was gutted when after the fifth recall didn’t get into *brainless west end musical name here*  and now he’s doing ‘normal’ work now.

I don’t know, but somehow being an actor doesn’t sound much fun.

Red Highways

As I have mentioned before, I believe American politics to be one of the most entertaining issues in the world. Nothing else offers you so much showmanship, so much blatant hypocrisy, idiocy and dashed idealism, so my library of books on this particular issue seems to growing exponentially. After finishing ‘Game Change (or ‘race of a lifetime’ for the citizens of Great Britain), I was on the market for more political non-fiction, and that’s when I heard about ‘Red Highways: A Liberal’s Journey Into the Heartland‘ on the BBC’s World Service.  ‘Why the world service?’, I hear you yell? ‘Aren’t the only two radio stations you listen to BBC Radio 4 and 100% Generation Disco Funk?’ Well, yes. But on Sundays between 10 and 11:15 there’s ‘The Archers’ omnibus session, and I just can’t listen to that drivel, so I switch to the World Service. That specific sunday they featured a San Francisco based journalist called Rose Aguilar as one of their analysts who was allowed to plug her above named book. Intrigued, I got hold of a copy and read the whole thing in a day (it’s not very onerous).

The narrative is as follows: San Francisco based vegan political blogger and host of a progressive radio station gets terribly frustrated when Bush II gets re-elected and takes political activist boyfriend on a trip to fly-over country to meet those people who actually voted for the bloke. Queue a string of highly repetitive vignettes with always the same structure:

Rose: ‘Oh hello, I am a journalist from San Francisco with a ‘Happy Vegan’ T-shirt and want to find out why you’re a republican.’

Other person (likely a veteran/priest/hunter/arms dealer/RV driver/church goer): ‘I like guns, God, the war on terror and hate liberals and homosexuality’

Rose: ‘Oh really. What made you become the person that you are?’

Other person (probably wearing a Stetson/USA T-shirt/Gun/’Support our Troups’ sticker): ‘We have always voted that way. Have you let Jesus in your heart?’

…and so on. Then they likely have to flee the scene, because boyfriend has caused outrage by annoying the locals with his political T-shirts or revolutionary flyers. There are a couple of welcome exceptions to the scheme (e.g. when they visit a pro-choice women’s clinic in Missouri), but it gets boring quickly, as the responses are just too depressingly similar. One can literally feel Rose’s background in radio, as most of the book features one short, transcribed interview after the other and she very rarely attempts to reflect on her encounters.

From a European perspective, ‘Red Highways’ completely misfires. Instead of attempting to break through the stereotypes, she just displays them again and again. They are all there: the religious nutters, the gay bashers, the gun toters on the right hand side and the leftie hippies from the East Coast with their van full of beans and soy milk and little animals on the dashboard on the other. So instead of demystifying them, she actually reenforces the images that we have of Americans.

This doesn’t mean that this book isn’t actually entertaining. Me and my friends chuckled about this collection of naive and misinformed humans from a country where you get your news from Fox and Rush, but the good guys were (while slightly more literate) just as naive. Nevertheless, an entertaining romp through the American heartland.

I would stay away, though.